The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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