It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
