GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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