Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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