You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
