can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
