the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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