how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
