I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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