I'm lost and stupid without you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
