After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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