She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
