i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
