I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
