If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
