we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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