My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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