i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
