i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
