The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
