stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
