Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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