omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.