remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?