woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.