I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas