Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you