Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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