he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
