hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
