I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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