She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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