did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
