piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
someone owes me an orgasm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
