I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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