Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
