Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
