I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
