I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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