just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you traded sex for a burrito?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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