I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
