If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
