My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
