operation harelip BJ is a go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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