Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
