were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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