So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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