Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're too hungover to prance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
