Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
