somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver