ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm