so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
