p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
