I haven't been this sober since birth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
