I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was like eating out sand paper
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
