It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
