the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
