When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
