you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
