I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My ATM looks so different sober.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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