I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am available for nakedness
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
