If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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