he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
