Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize