Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
