did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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