I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
