I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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