I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
