Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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