true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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