Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
