some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
a search helicopter?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
