dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
