i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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