Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
