Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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