i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
