either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
