I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
