Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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