i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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