Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
