Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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