dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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