I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You may now shotgun with the bride
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
