Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
