nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
