Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
