dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
