im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
