no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
