so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
