i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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