Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
