im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
