yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
