nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
