Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
