so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
